I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
