'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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