I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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