A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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