I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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