Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
