Are we in a gay sports bar?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
