I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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