Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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