The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
