I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize