so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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