so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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