this beer tastes like vomit already
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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