Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.