I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
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So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
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Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid