My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked