I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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