I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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