I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
