New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
