he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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