There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
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Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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