Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize