Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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