he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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