Jerry, you need to find god
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila