1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
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It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
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He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me