Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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