Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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