Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
