i was born a porn star she said
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
