so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
