you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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