I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
