I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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