when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
