Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
