Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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