If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
