I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize