Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
vagina is talking i cant
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
