I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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