I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
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Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.