So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.