apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with