I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?