if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk