I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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