Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
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He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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