omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
