I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
