i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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