bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
