Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
