How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize