Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
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The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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